I don’t feel qualified to write this Life Manual. For the past couple of years after realizing the only thing I can really control is my will, I’ve been wielding my will as much as possible to change my own life. I re-questioned every aspect of my existence and very seriously refocused everything toward the greater glory of God. It’s been so much a heart wrenching experience. A soul is very much traumatized when he realizes he really never had any family [in the real understanding of the word] nor does he have friends that really understand him; love from a God is incomprehensible: how does one know the unconditional love of God when neither parent, nor God parent, nor any father figure ever demonstrated this to their child? It’s not a puzzle why morality among people in the world today is getting increasingly worse.
One consolation is we are all broken in some way or another and God will help us when we ask; because He is a good father He wants the best for us and gives us what we need. I choose to take responsibility of myself because the world needs me. I don’t feel like anybody needs me but I look for opportunities for others to accept my gifts of love.
I believe God is preparing me for something big; even though I can have problems trusting Him, God must trust me because He’s helped me survive this far in truth. I have a lot to learn and desire to be much more; I recognize my weaknesses yet I’ll continue to write this Life Manual as a duty of love. Perhaps all this suffering or maybe the mere action of duty qualifies as love. I’m trying, but I hate just merely trying; I want to actually be making a good difference.
Forgive me as I try to learn how to be a good father when worldly examples fail. I can’t promise to be the best father (go to God in the Catholic Church for that) but I’ll promise I’ll never give up. I never knew my grandfather and they didn’t pass on an inheritance to me so I’m writing this Life Manual for you. Dear future wife, if you exist, pray for me as I want to be more for you, for God. I feel like almost the entire world is against me yet I’m content on some level as I know I’m doing the right thing. I’m learning to put more love in the unrelenting suffering without feeling any consolation; trials are a blessing though it hurts! God help us. Mother Mary, protect and embrace us. St Joseph, I trust in your intercession.
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