How to love while suffering (Revision 2)

By: enigma Date: January 19, 2015 Categories: Fatherhood, Spiritual

Anything supernatural I’ll have to preface by stating that I am by no means an expert, at the same time I like to describe myself as an imperfect practitioner but at least trying to arrive at a solution.

In one sense, one can describe love in two ways:

  • Natural Love – love on a natural level, the kind of love a parent might have for a child or the kind among friends, getting value out of a relationship
  • Divine Love – love on a supernatural level, the kind of love the Jesus has for each one of us, the kind of love of saints, loving those who have harmed you

Loving while suffering I would say is a bit supernatural, divine love. Divine love is love without a price tag – it is when you love without self-interest. Agape love. It seems true love is unfair as the initiator not only expects nothing in return, he is often left hanging, even suffering while the beloved may be ungrateful, disinterested, self-absorbed. This is often how we treat Jesus.

So how do we love while suffering? Consider a few points:

  • Try to see things in the eyes of Jesus e.g.:
    • Imagine Jesus asking you: “Do you love me enough to share my suffering with you?”
    • Jesus understands your suffering, he consoles us when we let him. At least as a friend, we can accept the suffering as a gift to Jesus, keeping in mind the greater good of the human family
  • Suffering in love in a sense is like a mother giving birth to a child; in the midst of the suffering we can’t always appreciate the meaning of this suffering until there is a birth of something good
  • Some might think suffering is evil, but God allows evil for a greater good – that we may be virtuous yet even better – that we may love freely and more beautifully with deeper meaning and value
  • Why can’t God just take away all the suffering? Why can’t he just give us everything like dropping manna from the sky? He could but he wants us to possess and share his inheritance like he does – from within himself
    • How about we give, not just externally or when it is easy, but how about we give from within ourself, how about we love by giving from within?
  • Consider some thoughts by C.S. Lewis, sometimes our hearts need to be broken, for our own good
  • It can be a joy, not necessarily feeling happy, but some level of contentment as you can derive peace from participating in meaningful love

 

 

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Courage and Magnanimity

By: enigma Date: October 27, 2014 Categories: Carreer, Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

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How to make a good confession (revision 2)

By: enigma Date: July 13, 2014 Categories: Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

If our eternal life depends on us being free of mortal sins, it seems very important to make good confessions. Ultimately yes, we depend on God’s mercy and rely on the power of Jesus on the cross [i.e. his love for us] and so from our hearts we must have contrition for our sins. This guide is to help us make a thorough confession as it seems there is more grace as we frequent the sacrament of confession with more fervor.  I know personally in my life going to confession often has helped me heal so much and I would like this healing for you.

The fisheaters website has a good examination of conscience [unfortunately I can’t recommend the entire site though it does has good material there], while I have made the observation the the 12 Steps [created by a Catholic priest] is a good [but not perfect] way thoroughly make a confession.  [to elaborate later in another revision]

Some points to consider for how to make a good confession:

  • There is really no good reason to not go to confession – consider how blessed we are and the benefits of confession
  • Yet at the same time are we implicitly thinking only of the benefits we can derive from confession? e.g. to go to confession just to remove our guilt?
  • Are we asking God for grace to remove all our weaknesses?
    • We should not ask God to remove all our weaknesses!
    • Sure we want grace to help us not sin, but we don’t want God to take away our crosses!
    • If we cease to struggle, that’s when we seriously have a problem; without weaknesses we would make ourselves God, but fundamentally we need God because undeniably we a broken human nature
    • We need to ask for grace to persevere (ironically it is the grace to keep struggling!)
  • Past failure has worth:
    • Don’t forget about our own sins – not in a morbid way but as a reminder of our need of God, a reminder of God’s love for us, that we may be more grateful
    • Remember: Jesus chose Peter; Peter was more lovable in God’s eyes because of his weaknesses.
    • God loves us [despite our weaknesses] because He is loving, not because He is looking at our weaknesses as some as a vengeful judge nor is He looking for us to earn His love
    • Make no mistake, Hell does exist and while God does not want us there, we have a choice, just as we have freedom to love
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Magnanimity

By: enigma Date: June 26, 2014 Categories: Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

When I discovered this, I thought this is an awesome attribute to possess.

MAGNANIMITY, n. [L. magnanimitas; magnus, great, and animus, mind.] Greatness of mind; that elevation or dignity of soul, which encounters danger and trouble with tranquility and firmness, which raises the possessor above revenge, and makes him delight in acts of benevolence, which makes him disdain injustice and meanness, and prompts him to sacrifice personal ease, interest and safety for the accomplishment of useful and noble objects.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnanimity

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Don’t get too comfortable

By: enigma Date: October 30, 2013 Categories: Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” – C. S. Lewis
If I look for truth, I may find comfort – but I may not. Life is not about being comfortable. It’s about pressing forward out of my comfort zone. It’s about getting up everyday and accepting whatever challenge I am faced with, staying faithful to the truth and searching for the meaning and value in the suffering I endure.
The Christian life is not the secret to success, but the shortcut to sainthood. It is not here to cure your pain so much as to keep you from wasting it.
We are obsessed with getting rid of pain. That’s often a good thing, but it’s not the most important thing. What’s more important is the soul that is forged in the fire of that pain. In this fire, we discover the truth about who we are.
We are reminded that we are small and weak and in need of help. That we have limits and are in need of a Limitless One. This is the truth. Too much comfort puts us in danger of forgetting it.
You weren’t made for this world, so don’t get too comfortable.

Source: http://theradicallife.org/dont-get-too-comfortable

 

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Love is war

By: enigma Date: November 3, 2011 Categories: Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

“No, God is a lover who is a warrior. […] Love is at war with hate, betrayal, selfishness, and all love’s enemies. Love fights. Ask any parent. Yuppie-love, like puppy-love, may be merely “compassion” (the fashionable word today), but father-love and mother-love are war.”

(http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2011/11/dr-kreeft-how-to-win-the-culture-war)

Read the whole article; it’s well worth it.

I wanted to add: the enemy is within; it’s a spiritual warfare and it ties into the second greatest commandment – Love one another as you love yourself:

  • you can’t give what you don’t have
  • you can’t love what you don’t know, if you don’t know yourself, you don’t really love yourself
  • to what extent can you love others if you don’t know yourself?
  • always be free of mortal sins; you can’t be sure you are thinking clearly if you are not in the state of grace
  • find a good spiritual director and pray the rosary often
  • ask God to let you see yourself as He sees you because humility is seeking out the truth; let the Holy Spirit lead and work from there

Fight for Love, be not afraid to suffer for love!

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Courageous Resolution

By: enigma Date: October 2, 2011 Categories: Carreer, Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Social, Spiritual

Here’s a commitment I think all men should make; it’s from the Courageous movie:

“”

I DO and solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.

I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.

I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.

I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.

I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.

I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect and compassion.

I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.

I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.

I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word and do His will.

I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.

“”

(http://www.courageousthemovie.com/)

—

 

The resolution above says “I WILL”, but I would replace that with “I DO”.

Men, we don’t have to wait until we’re married to do this.

Start NOW and become the strong men that our families need us to be!

ALL men are called to be Fathers.  Our wife is the the woman God created for us or the Church who is one with Love.  Our children are the beautiful images of God that God creates with our participation or the beautiful images of God we adopt spiritually.

Guys, our goal is to be fathers.  When we order our lives with God in the highest place and take responsibility for ourselves and others we become men.  When we are fathers to ourselves and for others, we are men of honor.

Saint Joseph, PRAY FOR US!

 

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The Four Loves

By: enigma Date: November 24, 2009 Categories: Emotional, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Spiritual

“Even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. Christ comes at last to say “Why hast thou forsaken me?”

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to become vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safely in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless space, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

“Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it. ”

-text culled from CS Lewis’ book

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This might help..

By: enigma Date: July 22, 2009 Categories: Emotional, Family, Fatherhood, Intellectual, Spiritual

Imagine the person you love most
Imagine the person who gave you life, perhaps a parent
Imagine the person who protects you, perhaps a brother
Imagine the person who takes care of you, perhaps a sister
Imagine the person who is always there for you, perhaps a good friend
Now imagine you with a hammer
Imagine you with a spike
Nailing this person to a cross!
Whoa! Yikes!
Imagine that this pain could be quantified, multiplied by three, and then a few billion times
Oh the immense suffering!
Yet God loves us even more than this!

Have you ever been cheated on?
Have you ever been rejected by the one you love?
Have you ever had unrequited love?
Have you ever been stabbed in the back by your loved ones?
Humiliated for the sake of good?
Unfairly treated?
Unappreciated?
Unrecognized?

Consider how we injure the one who sustains every moment of our life, the one who protects us, the one who cares for us, and is always there for us! Should we not be moved with compassion as we would with our dearly beloved! Should we not be grateful! What is our measly suffering compared to God’s? What should we fairly deserve? What should we hold back from God? Why are we complaining?

God all powerful, all knowing, infinite, mightier than the mightiest.. more than the scanty finite human minds could comprehend. What could he possibly ever need or want? Yet! He _chooses_ to enter this fallen world as a human, so fragile and so humble. He said that there is no greater love than for a man to die for a friend. And! He, all righteous, suffered and died for us! What profound love! What an example for us to live by! He establishes the One True Church to teach His Truth so that the human race can be freed from the slavery of sin.

What could we ask of God that he doesn’t already know? Why should we love God any differently in adversity vs prosperity? What if suffering is a gift from God? What can we do to return love to him?… Is the highest form of love incompatible with Relativism? Where can we learn of these Truths? Would God come down to our level to bring us the Truth but not give us any way to follow his example? Love is an action, a choice. What can we sacrifice to return our love for God?! Why would I choose to be sad over frivolous miniscule irrelevants? I can be in pain, but still be full of joy. What is happiness? What is joy? What is right and what is wrong? At the end of our lives what is most important?

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