No, you are not worth it

Relationships between men and women can be so frustrating, but I’ve come to the conclusion again (but in a deeper way) that really, only God is worth it. I remind myself that only when we love God first and foremost can we truly love another in the way that they deserve:

Only God is worth my desires, my heart
Only he is worth my attention, my time
No woman is worth my heart

I’m tired of being the white knight in shining armor
I’m tired of saving damsels in distress
I have very strong armor and a sharp sword
Yet I want to be seen for who I am under the armor
I don’t want to be used for what I can give
I want to be seen, appreciated for who I am

No, under the armor I’m not perfect
I have many scars
But God sees me for who I am
He understands me, appreciates me for who I am
No I’m not worth it either, but God makes me worthy
I don’t need to be seen, but I want be
I’m tired of the fakeness, yet I have all that is real and true
No, you are not worth it, but for me, if it is meant to be, he will make you worthy

Why you are not worth it

In this world today women feel over entitled. Feminism has destroyed relationships between men and women. Some evidence of this is the MGTOW movement; for the record I don’t entirely agree with the whole movement but have a listen to RIP Traditional Relationships – A Rude awakening. If we are merely looking on a worldly secular level, it makes no sense at all to get married. Why the hell would I want to get married if it is about mutual use instead free, self-giving love?

I talk to both men and women: they say they would want to believe in a love that is real, unselfish, self-giving, loyal, faithful, total, free, in other words a divine, Godly love, but they believe it is a fantasy. I believe, in part, they think it is a fantasy because they don’t experience this kind of love -a pure love- in their daily life: none in their “family”, none in their “community”, and not even among “friends” and sometimes not even in church! It seems an indictment on how far away people and society are from God, not having that kind of self-giving, loving relationship with God, thus they don’t have it in their personal daily relationships. Mere words are not going to convince people that this kind of love exists, it seems only by personal experience and testimony that people may be convinced.

No, marriage isn’t about “what’s in it for me?” or let’s have a contract: “i do this, you do that”. Marriage isn’t about just passing on your genes nor savage “survival of the fittest”. It’s not about “disney damsels, ponies and butterflies”. It can be about mutual emotional consolation, but it can’t be the only purpose. We in this society can be so selfish. It’s not about F-ing around but giving a good F, actually caring for the world, the future generation – imagine: for love of God and for someone outside ourselves.

Why marriage and relationships are worth it

I believe in marriage for many reasons, one reason is children benefit most from marriage. Without men to be fathers and women to be mothers, children become abandoned, who feel like orphans and in some real sense are actual orphans who do not know God, thus do not have a deep, unselfish relationship with him, thus recreating the dysfunctional cycle of fake-love in all their personal relationships.

I refuse to give up: I will fight for the homeless, orphaned, and abandoned because they are worth it. Building a society based on an authentic, life-giving love it worth it because it is what God wants: to love us as we are yet push us to grow, not for his benefit, but for our own benefit. Sure, loving on this higher level of Godly love is not always easy, but who wants a cheap “love” – real men are created for real love, which can be hard, but definitely worth it. Our bodies of man and woman, with our sexual organs, show we are made to be a mutual gift – we are not God, we cannot give what we don’t have – we have to be open to receiving the love of God, to give as he does.


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What is Christmas?

About 2000 years ago, God who is love and out of love manifested himself to reveal himself as love. Jesus Christ was born in Bethlehem. He altered the path of humanity, gave us dignity, showed us how to love, and through mercy gave us an opportunity to be saved from eternal misery. He gave us purpose and meaning to our lives; every moment of our being on earth is sustained by him. As with any birthday we celebrate the person’s meaning in our life and show gratitude for all that he is. Since Jesus is a gift to us we want to be gifts and give gifts to others, an example set in the 4th century by a bishop by the name of Nicholas who became a saint, who became a legend.
Most of us know the story of Christmas and what it means for us today, but what did the first one mean to Mary and Joseph? For Joseph was it one of happiness and cheer? Was it one with lots of family, friends, and relatives? Was it one of restful leisure?
Consider Joseph:
  • Imagine being married and your spouse mentions that they are with child but not your own; would you still trust your spouse?
  • Joseph by dream does know Mary carried the son of God, but would not his faith be tested?
  • Knowing that he is to be father of the Son of God, would there not be such a worry of being responsible to protect both the mother and son of God?
  • Joseph wouldn’t be in the presence of many friends nor family (who would have believed if he mentioned that Mary conceived by the Holy Spirit?) He kept it secret to protect Mary and he was too busy anyway, providing all accommodations for his pregnant wife and doing all possible to keep safe the son of God amid the dangers of night travel
  • With only a star for guidance, would he not feel like a failure at not being able to find an inn for Mary and Jesus, but only a stable. Out of humility Joseph, to the best of his ability, did his duty.. from a humble stable, joy was born
I’m not suggesting that Christmas not be about enjoying time with happiness, cheer, family, friends, and relatives. Joseph reminds us that Advent can be a time to trust God more, a time to be more faithful, even a time where faith can be tested, a time of responsibility, a time to do our duty before God. For those whose Christmas is a time away from family or away from home (such as orphans and the homeless), remember that one might not have much to offer yet one can use their suffering as a gift.
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What is time?

What is 10/28/2014, how about 28-10-2014? The earth can rotate around, orbit the sun two thousand or so times, yet is it not funny how we call this time?

If life is but a blink in eternity, whose eyes see that a billion rotations mean nothing except: the love in our hearts and the mind to inform our will that affect the actions we put forth to affect our eternal destination

So yes, borrowing from CS Lewis, and observing of my own eyes, when we involve ourselves with things eternal, this is actually when we are present in time as eternity is where the real present is.

Hopefully 2014 reminds us of the gift of Jesus because of Mary two thousand and fourteen years ago, that we may choose to be present in time, this day

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How to make a good confession (revision 2)

If our eternal life depends on us being free of mortal sins, it seems very important to make good confessions. Ultimately yes, we depend on God’s mercy and rely on the power of Jesus on the cross [i.e. his love for us] and so from our hearts we must have contrition for our sins. This guide is to help us make a thorough confession as it seems there is more grace as we frequent the sacrament of confession with more fervor.  I know personally in my life going to confession often has helped me heal so much and I would like this healing for you.

The fisheaters website has a good examination of conscience [unfortunately I can’t recommend the entire site though it does has good material there], while I have made the observation the the 12 Steps [created by a Catholic priest] is a good [but not perfect] way thoroughly make a confession.  [to elaborate later in another revision]

Some points to consider for how to make a good confession:

  • There is really no good reason to not go to confession – consider how blessed we are and the benefits of confession
  • Yet at the same time are we implicitly thinking only of the benefits we can derive from confession? e.g. to go to confession just to remove our guilt?
  • Are we asking God for grace to remove all our weaknesses?
    • We should not ask God to remove all our weaknesses!
    • Sure we want grace to help us not sin, but we don’t want God to take away our crosses!
    • If we cease to struggle, that’s when we seriously have a problem; without weaknesses we would make ourselves God, but fundamentally we need God because undeniably we a broken human nature
    • We need to ask for grace to persevere (ironically it is the grace to keep struggling!)
  • Past failure has worth:
    • Don’t forget about our own sins – not in a morbid way but as a reminder of our need of God, a reminder of God’s love for us, that we may be more grateful
    • Remember: Jesus chose Peter; Peter was more lovable in God’s eyes because of his weaknesses.
    • God loves us [despite our weaknesses] because He is loving, not because He is looking at our weaknesses as some as a vengeful judge nor is He looking for us to earn His love
    • Make no mistake, Hell does exist and while God does not want us there, we have a choice, just as we have freedom to love
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Purity of Mind and Unity of Purpose

A man is raised up from the earth by two wings — simplicity and purity.  There must be simplicity in his intention and purity in his desires.  Simplicity leads to God, purity embraces and enjoyed Him.

If your heart is free from ill-ordered affection, no good deed will be difficult for you.  If you aim at and seek nothing but the pleasure of God and the welfare of your neighbor, you will enjoy freedom within.

If your heart were right, then every created thing would be a mirror of life for you and a book of holy teaching, for there is no creature so small and worthless that it does not show forth the goodness of God.  If inwardly you were good and pure, you would see all things clearly and understand them rightly, for a pure heart penetrates to heaven and hell, and as a man is within, so he judges what is without.  If there be joy in the world, the pure of heart certainly possess it; and if there be anguish and affliction anywhere, an evil conscience knows it too well.

As iron cast info fire loses its rust and becomes glowing white, so he who turns completely to God is stripped of his sluggishness and changed into a new man.  When a man begins to grow lax, he fears a little toil and welcomes external comfort, but when he begins perfectly to conquer himself and to walk bravely in the ways of God, then he thinks those things less difficult which he thought so hard before.

(Imitation of Christ, Book II Chapter 4)

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“Engineering, done right, is an invisible art. Doctoring and lawyering done right are intensely personal activities, service businesses with one-on-one human attention. Good engineers fade into the background. Engineers make objects and the objects speak for themselves. You probably can’t name the engineer who recorded and mixed the sound on your favorite new record. You almost certainly can’t name the engineers who designed all your local bridges and rail systems. We don’t even know how many people designed, say, the smart cover for the iPad 2. All of this is by design. Engineers also rip and mix and burn and create things that are the sum total of a lot of individual efforts. I don’t even know if I’m the engineer responsible for the test software that tested the wafer that spawned the chip that went into your cell phone that filters the RF frequencies in your cellular radio. There are very good odds that I am: I wrote such software, and last I heard it was still running and my old company is still selling chips. Again, this is how proper engineering works. Many of the best people you’ll ever meet work outside the spotlight, quietly making their corner of the system better. Engineering is a worldbuilding activity. The objects become famous, not us, but even the objects’ fame is fleeting. The marvel of one age is the boring infrastructure of the next. But, hey, at least you get to change the world. Fame isn’t everything.”

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The Four Loves

“Even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. Christ comes at last to say “Why hast thou forsaken me?”

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to become vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safely in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless space, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

“Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it. ”

-text culled from CS Lewis’ book

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This might help..

Imagine the person you love most
Imagine the person who gave you life, perhaps a parent
Imagine the person who protects you, perhaps a brother
Imagine the person who takes care of you, perhaps a sister
Imagine the person who is always there for you, perhaps a good friend
Now imagine you with a hammer
Imagine you with a spike
Nailing this person to a cross!
Whoa! Yikes!
Imagine that this pain could be quantified, multiplied by three, and then a few billion times
Oh the immense suffering!
Yet God loves us even more than this!

Have you ever been cheated on?
Have you ever been rejected by the one you love?
Have you ever had unrequited love?
Have you ever been stabbed in the back by your loved ones?
Humiliated for the sake of good?
Unfairly treated?

Consider how we injure the one who sustains every moment of our life, the one who protects us, the one who cares for us, and is always there for us! Should we not be moved with compassion as we would with our dearly beloved! Should we not be grateful! What is our measly suffering compared to God’s? What should we fairly deserve? What should we hold back from God? Why are we complaining?

God all powerful, all knowing, infinite, mightier than the mightiest.. more than the scanty finite human minds could comprehend. What could he possibly ever need or want? Yet! He _chooses_ to enter this fallen world as a human, so fragile and so humble. He said that there is no greater love than for a man to die for a friend. And! He, all righteous, suffered and died for us! What profound love! What an example for us to live by! He establishes the One True Church to teach His Truth so that the human race can be freed from the slavery of sin.

What could we ask of God that he doesn’t already know? Why should we love God any differently in adversity vs prosperity? What if suffering is a gift from God? What can we do to return love to him?… Is the highest form of love incompatible with Relativism? Where can we learn of these Truths? Would God come down to our level to bring us the Truth but not give us any way to follow his example? Love is an action, a choice. What can we sacrifice to return our love for God?! Why would I choose to be sad over frivolous miniscule irrelevants? I can be in pain, but still be full of joy. What is happiness? What is joy? What is right and what is wrong? At the end of our lives what is most important?

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