Trust and connecting with people

I’m learning that it seems nobody will listen nor read what I would have to say if they don’t first trust me. Seems like an obvious statement but it seems at least for me I need the reminder.

It seems people in general are too self-absorbed, too busy and distracted to take the time to actually think about what one might assert and actually try to see where one might be coming from. Or they simply just do not understand me.

Not that I want anybody to listen to me for my sake, it’s just I want to give something I feel is very valuable and enriching to give.

What can foster an environment of trust?  Some ideas:

  • Actions not words:
    • actions seems like its own language that implicitly reveals one’s intent; if it is authentically good, people may feel that its safer to trust
    • don’t be an ass
  • Reflective Listening:
    • implicitly by listening one shows:
      • respect
      • sincere interest
      • care
    • this may may make it easier to trust
  • Nothing that could be interpreted as threatening
    • being sensitive to context and individual history
  • Possess an inner peace with God
    • Forgive and be forgiven that nothing would trigger an emotionally charged response that could be interpreted as threatening
    • Lighten up the environment
    • Remember if they don’t trust it’s not your fault, with God love help where you can
  • Find points in which you can relate with the other person(s)
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Concepts, Methodology, Principles (revision 7)

Concepts and Methodology:

  • Start with Why
    • Beauty, Vision, Goals
    • Grace
    • Humility to see what God wants you to see; see yourself as God sees you, looking at the bigger picture
  • Focusing on the Human Person – 5 Love Languages
    • Concepts of completeness/Seeing the big picture – I want to give you the best, I want to give you my all
    • Knowing thyself
  • Wisdom – seeing God in everything, looking at the bigger picture and the meaning of real education
    • The Trinity is in everything
    • Since God is Love, the 5 Love Languages are in everything
    • Seeing Truth in everything – the value in cross-discipline principles
    • Deriving meaning from relationships
  • Learn from the experts yet know that since you can’t know everything, they cannot know everything either
  • Wheel of life
  • GTD – a system that allows you to be more in the present, free of “open loops”
    • Review
  • Mindsweeping
  • Mindmapping
  • Atomic transactions

Principles used to create this Manual:

  • Supernatural Ideas:
    • Humility
    • Truth
    • Love
    • Meekness
    • Trust
    • Beauty
    • Gratefulness
    • Joy
    • Faith, Hope, Charity
    • Magnanimity
    • Mary – wisdom is seeing everything in Love, should we not see everything in the eyes of Mary?  Mary, crown of God’s creation, model of whom we should desire to become
    • Time & the present
  • Supernatural and Natural Models:
    • Catholicism:
      • Jesus:
        • The Eucharist
        • The greatest 2 commandments
        • Love and the cross
        • Suffering
      • Dominican Order:
        • Dedication to the Truth
        • you cannot give what you don’t have
        • I assimilate truth though many sources using the principle “find truth where it exists” so while some sources are secular I consider them as an attempt by natural means do discover truth.  I believe the supernatural as described by the Catholic Church trumps systems derived though natural, humanistic means e.g. truths of the Catholic faith trump those attempts to discover truth through psychology.  Psychology can be an imperfect means to describe phenomenons.  There’s more humility in accepting that mysteries exist but it’s ok to attempt describing it and derive meaning.
      • Miles Christi:
        • The greater glory of God
        • Mediations:
      • Cursillo
      • Theology of the Body
    • Philosophy:
      • Logic
      • Socratic Method
      • The intellect, the passions, and the will
    • Leadership:
      • Leaders keep little promises
    • Psychology:
      • Boundaries
      • 12 Steps
      • Cross Generational Disease
      • Completeness
      • HALT
    • Theory vs Practice and the value of experience:
      • Wisdom vs Knowledge
      • My Experiences
    • Mathematics and Computer Science:
      • Agile methodologies
      • Optimization
      • Debugging
    • Martial Arts:
    • History:
      • Contemporary problems
  • Supernatural Means:
    • Prayer & Adoration, Meditations, Novenas, Sacramentals:
      • the importance of mystery
    • The Little Way:
      • My personal affirmations:
        • Let it be done to me according to your word
        • Fiat Voluntas Tua
        • Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
        • Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine
        • St Joseph, Light of Patriarchs, Terror of demons, Guardian of the Holy Family, protect me in all dangers
        • Mary, Most Pure, Mother of God, who makes the Love of Jesus real to me, show thyself to be my mother
        • All for Jesus, all through Mary, in imitation of you St Joseph
        • Jesus we adore you, Mary we implore you, Joseph Most Just, in you we place our trust
    • Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Anne


  • Since the average human mind can only clearly hold 7 plus or minus 2 ideas in their mind, it seems to effectively apply the information learned, it needs to fit into 9 ideas
  • if we focus on each idea each with its own 9 ideas, the core of the information is a magic matrix of 81 points; it’s silly to think all the mystery and greatness of the universe can fit into 81 points but I’d like to think the system of how to live and organize your life can be communicated in 81 points
  • to leave room for mystery and engraining in our mind, sub points can be 12 points – a balance of what can be controlled (by cognitively fitting in our mind) and what cannot be controlled (at least in part due to us not being fully able to cognitively fit it in to our mind)
  • I’ll use Dunbar’s number to limit the number of references I’ll list so you can be more effective at practicing what I give you.  Holiness is not about knowing everything in the encyclopedia, on some level it is about practicing core points well
  • Everything should fit on on page that isn’t too long; there can be links but it should not be more than 3 levels deep
  • Everything is a gift from God, I’ll use the format of the Trinity to “re-gift” God’s gift: Piety (Heart, recognizing Mystery and Beauty), Study (Mind, diving deeper into why), Action (Body, infusing both into something practical and can touch people)
  • For the most part, I’ll avoid mentioning too much of the wisdom I’ve learned (I have my own set of principles, collections of my personal experiences, quotes, lessons I’ve learned, etc).  These are very special to me and I don’t want it to take away from my capacity to be intimate with you.  (see 7 levels of intimacy).  Be with me in person and I can share this with you.  These nuggets of wisdom are for you to discover from the foundation I provide.  I don’t want to take away from the grace and God’s plan for you


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Nathan’s ABCs

A set of ABCs on how to live life:
A – be Adaptable; be with the Holy Spirit
BBe yourself by trusting in God
CCommunicate through trust; be Courageous
DDiscipline of will is love; do your duty, do your best, let God take care of the rest
E – strive for Excellence; Energy is a limited resource
FFreedom is choosing what is right
Gshow Gratitude, be grateful
Hbe Honest and Humble; being Humble is seeking the Truth and living it
IInitiate Love
JJesus is the Way, the Truth, the Life; God is Love; Joy = Jesus, Others, You
K – be Kind
LLead by Example, Love as God loves
MLove is the measurement by which God will judge us
N – if you aim at Nothing, you’ll hit it every time, No failure is permanent, except Not getting back up, and Not trusting in God
Obe Obedient to authority, learn from those who lead the herd
Pcorrect Practice, makes Perfect; there is only one priority, focus on God
QQuality Time is a limited resource
Rbe Response-able; live in the moment
SStop doing Stupid Stuff
T – be the type of person that trusts until someone has broken it; People who trust are stronger because they risk more
UUnderstand why
Vget a fresh View, develop the Vision; long term goals diminish short term failures
Wlove is War against evil, pride, falsehood, manipulation, confusion
Xdaily eXamination of Visions and Goals
YLove your neighbor as Yourself; You cannot give what you don’t have
Zbe Zealous for Life and have fun
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